A secondary school teacher made a list of some well known proverbs and gave the class the first half of the proverbs, so that they could complete the sayings. Here’s what they came up with:
Don’t bite the hand that . . . looks dirty.
A miss is as good as a . . . mr.
You can’t teach an old dog . . . maths.
An idle mind is . . . the best way to relax.
There’s no smoke without . . . pollution.
Two’s company, three’s . . . the musketeers.
Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and . . . you must blow your own nose.
When the blind leadeth the blind . . . best get out of the way.
Here is a collection of funny proverbs from all over the world:
Man who drives like hell is bound to get there.
Always remember: you’re unique. Just like everyone else. (Anon)
Do not insult the mother alligator until after you have crossed the river. (Haitian)
Ensure your kitchen is kept clean – eat out. (Anon)
Experience is something you get just after you need it. (Anon)
He who seeks trouble never misses. (English)
If at first you don’t succeed, parachuting is not the sport for you. (Anon)
It is never a good idea to test the water with both feet. (Anon)
Life is what happens when you are making other plans. (John Lennon)
The eyes believe what they see; the ears what people tell them. (German)
There is only one pretty child in the world, and every mother has it. (Chinese)
When the mouse laughs at the cat, there is a hole nearby. (Nigeria)
You cannot shake hands with a clenched fist. (Gandhi)
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell and have you actually looking forward to the trip. (Anon)
Age is just mind over matter: if you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter. (Anon)
A closed mouth catches no flies. (Italian)
Anger is the outcome of the tongue working faster than the brain. (Anon)
Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. (Then when you do criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.) (Anon)
It is better to conceal one’s knowledge than to reveal one’s ignorance. (Spanish)
The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits. (Anon)
Everybody is ignorant, Only on different subjects. (Will Rogers)
He who laughs last laughs longest. And has probably only just got the joke. (Anon)
Your own stupid actions should not be confused with fate. (Anon)
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in big groups. (Anon)
It’s not the size of the dog in the fight that matters, it’s the size of the fight in the dog! (Anon)
Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people. (Anon)
Minds are like parachutes: they only work when open. (Anon)
The best thing about the future is that it comes only one day at a time. (Abraham Lincoln)
The nail that sticks up is sure to be hammered down. (Japanese)
A pessimist is never disappointed. (Anon)
The pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity. The optimist sees opportunity in every difficulty. (Winston Churchill)
The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket. (Anon)
You can turn dollars into cents, or sense into dollars, but not dollars into sense. (American)
Love your neighbours, but don’t pull down the fence. (Chinese)
When your enemy falls, don’t rejoice. But don’t pick him up either. (Yiddish)
A man is a person who takes out the rubbish, then makes out he has just cleaned the house. (Anon)
God supplies the milk but not the jug. (German)
The following letters express that part of a child’s world reserved for special thoughts and wishes. Some letters are disarmingly wise, others naive; some are knowing, some simple. Many are wieghted with seriousness; others are lit with smiles. All of them are addressed to God with much hope and trust.
In school they told us what you do. Who does it when you are on vacations?
Did you mean for the giraffe to look like that or was it an accident?
Who draws the lines around countries?
Thank you for the baby brother, but what I prayed for was a puppy.
Please send me a pony. I never asked for anything before, you can look it up.
If you watch me in chruch Sunday, I’ll show you my new shoes.
I bet it is very hard for you to love all of everybody in the whole world. There are only four people in our family and I can never do it.
Compiled by Stuart Hample and Eric Marshall in Chicken soup for the mother’s soul (Available in your library).
Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
And don’t start a sentence with a conjunction.
It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
Avoid clichés like the plague (they’re old hat).
Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.
Be more or less specific.
Remarks in brackets (however relevant) are (usually) (but not always) unnecessary.
Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
No sentence fragments.
Contractions aren’t necessary and shouldn’t be used.
Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it’s highly superfluous.
One should NEVER generalize.
Comparisons are as bad as clichés.
Don’t use no double negatives.
Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
One-word sentences? Eliminate.
Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
The passive voice is to be ignored.
Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.
Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.
Kill all exclamation points!!!
Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth shaking ideas.
Use the apostrophe in it’s proper place and omit it when its not needed.
Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.”
If you’ve heard it once, you’ve heard it a thousand times: Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.
Puns are for children, not groan readers.
Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
Who needs rhetorical questions?
Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.